9 Funny Santa Claus Quotes Add Laughter to the Holidays

The magic of Christmas perhaps lies in the mystery of Santa Claus. Of course, some of that mystery has humor too. Why does Santa Claus enter a house through a sooty fireplace? Why can he not simply knock at the door? Should he really be eating all those cookies? If you love Saint Nick, you will love these funny Santa quotes. But be warned, some of these quotes have wicked humor. Funny Quotes About Santa Claus Jack Handy: If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers its gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus. Samuel Butler: Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. James Gould: A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about 10 that there wasnt any Santa Claus, and hes still upset. Robert Paul: You know youre getting old when Santa starts looking younger. Arlo Guthrie: Santa Claus wears a red suit—he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair—must be a pacifist. Whats in that pipe that hes smoking? Bernard Manning: I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying toys not included. Tom Armstrong: Let me see if Ive got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income, and flies to cities all over the world under the cover of darkness? You sure this guy isnt laundering illegal drug money? George Carlin: Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Edgar Allan Poes The Cask of the Amontillado Essay

Something Unexpected Poe has written a several different stories relating to being buried alive, â€Å"The Premature Burial† and â€Å"The Cask of Amontillado† being the most popular. Edgar Allan Poe â€Å"was one of the seminal American poets and short story writers of the nineteenth century† he was an influencer for writers like Charles Baudelaire and Jules Verne. Poe lost both of his parents as a child and was raised with a foster family and lost his foster mom early, too. He lost many of his loved ones throughout his life including his wife shortly after he was married. All of these losses had a significant effect on him and influenced his stories (Edgar Allan Poe - Biography). â€Å"The Cask of Amontillado is a well-known piece of literature by†¦show more content†¦According to Michael Jay Lewis’s â€Å"Refining a Fortunato Amontillado†, the process of making this wine can be compared to the plan that Montresor has for Fortunato. This is because as Montresor and Fortunato are going through the catacombs Fortunato starts to appear â€Å"as a piece of art, a product of his own creation (Lewis, Michael Jay 179-183). The revenge in this piece of literature is somewhat overwhelmingly drastic, ending in death by being buried alive. To get this point across, Poe has used several different literary devices. Throughout â€Å"The Cask of Amontillado† Poe uses dramatic irony to show the revenge in its fullest. Dramatic irony can be defined as a plot device in which the audience or readers knowledge of events or individuals surpasses that of the characters (The Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica). Fortunato’s last words are â€Å"for the love of god,† with nothing said after that it signified his death and the revenge of Montresor being a success. Montresor has a precise plan ready to put into play. What Montresor knows is that Fortunato loves his wines and that he would not turn it down. Montresor uses this to get Fortunato hooked on the idea of going to get some of this amazing Amontillado. From this point,Show MoreRelatedEdgar Allan Poes Cask Of Amontillado1858 Words   |  8 PagesEdgar Allan Poe’s â€Å"Cask of Amontillado† is a grim masterpiece. In this work Edgar Allan Poe tells the story of Montresor and how he achieves revenge towards Fortunato. The use of first person narration in this story allows the audience to gain a better understanding of Montresor’s personality as the story unfolds. From reading and analyzing this story I have found that the main character Montresor is extremely intellectual, emotionally static or numb, and lastly he is unremorseful. With literatureRead MoreAnalysis Of Edgar Allan Poes The Cask Of Amontillado772 Words   |  4 Pagesdifferentiate one author from another. Poe, he was unique; one could recognize his work through his unique style. Edgar Allan Poe had a unique writing style and expressed this through the use of dashe s, first person point of view and dialogue. Dialogue tends to be a major element Poe uses to convey a message or feeling. His use of dialogue can be found in â€Å"The Cask of Amontillado† when he writes; Nitre? he asked, at length.Nitre, I replied. How long have you had that cough? (Poe 43-44)Read More Edgar Allan Poes, The Cask of Amontillado as a Description of Poes Life791 Words   |  4 PagesEdgar Allan Poes, The Cask of Amontillado as a Description of Poes Life The cast of Amontillado was written by Allan Poe at a time when he felt he was being unjustly attacked. Most critics believe that the cask of Amontillado was written by Poe against his critics in the Mirror. I believe the cask of Amontillado is a story of Revenge and Hatred against some friends whom be believed had wrongfully accused him. A review of Allan Poe as a person and his experiences in life is essential a clearRead More Edgar Allan Poes The Cask of Amontillado and The Raven Essay608 Words   |  3 PagesEdgar Allan Poes The Cask of Amontillado and The Raven Edgar Allan Poe was one of the greatest writers of the nineteenth century. Perhaps he is best know for is ominous short stories. Two of these stories were The Cask of Amontillado and The Raven. In these short stories Poe uses imagery in many different forms to enhance the mood and setting of the story. In my essay I will approach three aspects of Poes use of imagery. These three are when Poe uses it to develop the setting, toRead MoreVowing Revenge in Edgar Allan Poe’s, The Cask of Amontillado861 Words   |  4 PagesIn Edgar Allan Poe’s, â€Å"The Cask of Amontillado† begins by telling us that Montresor feels as Fortunato has hurt him. Fortunato has greatly insulted him, â€Å"the thousands of insults of Fortunato I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge.† (Poe 165) Although, the lack of evidence throughout the story, we readers never know what the insult ever was. Montresor must get revenge. As Montresor is conducti ng hits revenge on Fortunato, it is the week of Carnival in ItalyRead More The Paradox of Revenge in Edgar Allan Poes The Cask of Amontillado1375 Words   |  6 PagesThe Paradox of Revenge in Edgar Allan Poes The Cask of Amontillado ?The Cask of Amontillado? raises a question pertaining to the multiple character of the self (Davidson 202); Can harmony of ones self be restored once primal impulses have been acted upon? This question proposes the fantasy of crime without consequence (Stepp 60). Edgar Allan Poe uses first person point of view, vivid symbolism and situational irony to show that because of mans inner self, revenge is ultimately not possibleRead MorePersonality In Edgar Allan Poes The Cask Of Amontillado785 Words   |  4 PagesIn paragraphs 1 through 23 of â€Å"The Cask of Amontillado† Edgar Allan Poe takes the reader on a riveting mind game. As the reader reads the reader slowly realizes that the narrator is both an astute observer of his fellow humans and a frightening psychopath and he does this through steps and slowly letting the reader into the narrator’s mind. Early in the tale Montresor, the narrator, opens the story by stating that he has been irreparably insulted by his acquaintance, Fortunato, and that heRead MoreA Literary Reading of Edgar Allan Poes The Cask of Amontillado Using Traditional Approach802 Words   |  4 PagesEdgar Allan Poe was born in Boston on January 19, 1809. His parents were David and Elizabeth Poe. Edgars mother, Elizabeth, died when he was just 2 years old and after the death of his mother, he was adopted. His foster father was a successful merchant, so Edgar was able to go to good schools. When he was 6 years old, he went to England to study. He went to the University of Virginia when he was 17 years old. While in his university days, his father only gave him about a third of what he reallyRead MoreSymbolism and Irony Used in Edgar Allan Poes The Cask of Amontillado753 Words   |  3 PagesEdgar Allan Poe uses symbolism and irony in unison throughout â€Å"The Cask of Amontillado† to demonstrate M ontresor’s villainous intentions. As the narrator, Montresor explains that although a friend named Fortunato has insulted him and deserves to be avenged. However, he has hidden his goal from Fortunato, giving no â€Å"cause to doubt [his] good will.† Montresor, aware of Fortunato’s influence, knows he must â€Å"not only punish, but punish with impunity.† Instead, he lures Fortunato to his grave with theRead MoreFor the Love of God, Poe! Essay1359 Words   |  6 PagesIt is not at all surprising that so many of Edgar Allan Poe’s works explore such themes as death, eyes, the power of the dead over the power of the living, retribution, the human conscience, and especially death and murder. From his disturbingly morbid short story â€Å"The Telltale Heart† to the mysteriously supernatural poem â€Å"The Raven†, Poe’s tales are a direct byproduct of the mayhem experienced in his life, as well as his (arguably) psychologically-tormented mind. Though all of this author†™s pieces

Neural Network Prediction Method †Free Samples to Students

Question: Discuss about the Neural Network Prediction Method. Answer: Introduction FiveStar is a software development organisation this based in Australia. Its operations are spread over two building inside the same campus where in one building its software development team works in a room consists of ten workstations, and in another building, its technical development management team also works with ten computers. While in the same building, the administrative staffs uses twenty computers and each of the networks are connected to a server that provides various services to the workstations for different purposes. Totally, there are 250 employees in the organisation. However, less people are required to work on the computers. The peripherals and the techniques used to build the network is quite outdated in current time and there are many issues in this network that minimises the work speed beside creating the problems. Therefore, it is required to find out the problems in order to be capable to meet the future outcomes of the organisation. The current network is made of three LANs spreading over the two buildings. Admin department uses 20 workstations and a server that are connected together using a switch while in the two other departments the scenario is also same there the devices are also connected over the same switch. Those switches are connected to the router through a single channel from the switch. The reason that the LANs are interconnected over a single channel reduces the data transfer speed while multiple networks are communicating with each other it causes the bottleneck situation. The total number of end devices on the network is 40. Each of the devices requires at least 10Mbps connection to make the communication flawlessly. However, the bottlenecks are the connections that are made of 100Mbps connectivity cables management. While, the network requires every channel to be minimum of (40*10Mbps) 400Mbps to transmit data flawlessly. Current Network Currently the workstations are all connected physically with the switches and those switches are also connected with the router physically. Workstation Switches Servers Printers Routers UTP Cat 5 Cabling The proposed network removes all the switches from the network architecture to reduce the cabling for the network. Where for the software developers new Laptops are allotted that are connected to the network through wireless routers. It reduces the complexity of the network and the procedures to diagnose the problems. On the other hand, the organisation is also opened its new branch that is located 200 kilometres from the current location. Therefore, it is not possible to connect those campuses using personal area network. In this case, Cloud is the best solution that is also less costly to implement. The network services providers are available to provide the tunnelling for the communication happen between the two branches at the desired speed. Laptops Wireless Routers Routers Clouds Objectives of the future network The main objectives of the network are developing a modern network for the organisation. Using those channels to establishing video conferences between the different locations of the organisation it will require its channels to support heavy bandwidth for this purposes. The proposed future network for the organisation will be modified from different perspective as the current plan does not allow users to use office software packages that are unavailable in the system along with the facility of email and Internet. Moving the total system connecting with cloud will provide the users to access the portal from anywhere earlier which was not possible as the network was so simple and it was detached from cloud or the internet too. The new branch that is opened 200 kilometres away required strong connectivity with the current network to maintain the productivity of the organisation management. Different departments work for different purposes. However, through establishing a secure and reliable network the logical distance between the two premises will reduce to zero that will benefit the organisation to focus more on the development phases of the organisation. The organisation needed to upgrade their old network to boost up the network speed and to furthermore add the double number of devices to the network. The employees of the organisation will be able to access the company resources from their office premises as well as from their home as a result of migration towards cloud. Advantages over the old network The Network device will now all run on the desktop operating systems instead of the server OS to reduce the network load which will see a major change in the performance of services. All the departments of the organisation will be connected through fibre optic channels which will allow the departments or branches to establish seamless video conferencing with each other in order to work on the projects which will reduce the efforts of meetings by visiting the main campus from the branch office. There will be plenty of SaaS or software as a service will be in-use that will provide the developers to work on the projects even when they are on the go. Earlier the organisational devices form the network which was very conventional. Therefore, there was no scope for internet usage on the organisational network along with the access to the emailing services. Software were also not directly installed on the system as the desktop workstations were all running on the windows server OS. It was t he server OS which on behalf choose the services and applications are to be used. The high end devices in the web development department will allow to process the developed contents more quickly or faster that are videos, graphics and animations as it requires more resources to process. Moving to internet for providing outsider access to the network will require to install network firewalls in the organisation to monitor and control the security of the network. References Abeygunawardana, A.A.K. and Ledwich, G., 2013, July. Estimating benefits of energy storage for aggregate storage applications in electricity distribution networks in Queensland. InPower and Energy Society General Meeting (PES), 2013 IEEE(pp. 1-5). IEEE. Chen, Z., Liu, A., Li, Z., Choi, Y.J., Sekiya, H. and Li, J., 2017. Energy-efficient broadcasting scheme for smart industrial wireless sensor networks.Mobile Information Systems,2017. Fidalgo, J.N., Couto, M. and Fourni, L., 2016. The worth of network upgrade deferral in distribution systemsTruism or myth management?.Electric Power Systems Research,137, pp.96-103. Mitra, A., Ives, D., Lord, A., Wright, P. and Kar, S., 2015, May. Non-linear impairment modeling for flexgrid network and its application in offline network equipment upgrade strategy. InOptical Network Design and Modeling (ONDM), 2015 International Conference on(pp. 57-62). IEEE. Rafique, D., Rahman, T., Napoli, A., Calabro, S. and Spinnler, B., 2014. Technology options for 400 Gb/s PM-16QAM flex-grid network upgrades.IEEE Photonics Technology Letters,26(8), pp.773-776. Roldn-Blay, C., Escriv-Escriv, G., lvarez-Bel, C., Roldn-Porta, C. and Rodrguez-Garca, J., 2013. Upgrade of an artificial neural network prediction method for electrical consumption forecasting using an hourly temperature curve model.Energy and Buildings,60, pp.38-46. Zhao, Z., Guan, H., Wigard, J., Lee, S., Kim, D.H. and Hwang, K.M., 2015, September. Network Upgrade with LTE-Advanced Small Cells. InVehicular Technology Conference (VTC Fall), 2015 IEEE 82nd(pp. 1-6). IEEE. Zheleva, M., Schmitt, P., Vigil, M. and Belding, E., 2013, December. The increased bandwidth fallacy: performance and usage in rural Zambia. InProceedings of the 4th Annual Symposium on Computing for Development(p. 2). ACM.

Comprehensive tobacco marketing restriction - Myassignmenthelp.Com

Question: Discuss about the Comprehensive tobacco marketing restriction. Answer: Discussion At the present situation, the most effective way of reaching to the people throughout the world is to give advertisements in the social media sites, TV, newspaper etc. Many pf the not-for-profit NGOs or governments are using the way of advertising in the mentioned Medias for different types of concerns like anti-tobacco, HIV aids, anti-poverty, blood donation or other similar factors. In this paper, the two selected topic for discussing and analysing the advertising campaigns and the cultural differences over the countries are anti-tobacco and blood donation. The way of representing, the required factors in the advertisements may be different due to the cultural differences of the different countries, which is the main concern of this report. Anti-tobacco Campaigns Not-for-profit No tobacco campaign in India There are almost 267 tobacco users in India among which nearly 14.6% are youth. There are a number of health consequences in tobacco, which kills about one million Indians each year. However, the tobacco industry has been instrumental in spreading the tobacco industry globally through different marketing campaigns as well. Therefore, over the years, there had been no reduction in the number of users of tobacco in India. In order to generate awareness among the citizen, there are a number of strategies followed by different Not-for-profit organization. In a lieu of protecting the Indians from the harmful effect of the tobacco, Cigarettes and Other Tobacco Tactics followed In India, different NGOs are working in anti tobacco campaigns. Tears You Apart is an example of such advertising campaign in India. One of the major tactics followed by the not-for profit organization of advertising campaign is citing the real victims suffering from cancers due to tobacco smoking in order to create awareness among the general public. It also features the advantages of quitting tobacco and living a healthy life. Even the packets of tobacco come with a warning message. Figure 1: Representing warning message as a tactic of advertising campaign (Source: Hammond et al., 2012) Not-for-profit No tobacco campaign in USA: Tactics Researches prove that almost 480,000+ annual deaths are due to the use of tobacco in US. As advertising campaign for generating awareness among the public, USA non-for profit organizations have embarked on teaching kids about the harmful effects of tobacco smoking by arranging different anti tobacco campaigns. The tactics followed in USA is similar to the tactic followed in India. It arranges comprehensive program to show the negative impact of smoking on human health, urging people to quit smoking (Wilson et al., 2012). Figure 2: Representing the anti tobacco advertising campaign (Source: Wilson et al., 2012) Not-for-profit No tobacco campaign in Bangladesh Bangladesh experiences high production as well as consumption of tobacco. A high percentage of people living in Bangladesh is addicted to tobacco products and are suffering from tobacco-related health issues. Several non-for-profit advertising take place in the country for the welfare of the people. Tactics followed The anti-tobacco campaigns aim to create mass awareness about the ill-effects of tobacco in the country. Pictorial warnings and banners are used for depicting the health related issues that can occur by consuming tobacco products (Henriksen, 2012). The not-for-profit advertisements of Bangladesh depict the number of deaths within a given time span. Figure 3: Anti-tobacco campaign in Bangladesh (Source: Henriksen, 2012) Not-for-profit No tobacco campaign in Malaysia Malaysia is trying to reduce the number of tobacco users through anti-tobacco campaigns and advertisements. Different NGOs are taking the initiatives to conduct anti-tobacco campaigns and reduce the number of deaths due to tobacco-related health issues. Tactics followed Malaysia focuses mainly on TV commercials and outdoor notices for spreading mass awareness. The not-for-profit advertisements demonstrate the negative effects of tobacco consumption. Malaysia also spreads awareness through social media websites. Posters and banners are used for spreading details about the diseases that are caused by consuming tobacco products (Wilson et al., 2012). Figure 4: Anti-tobacco campaign in Malaysia (Source: Wilson et al., 2012) Comparison among the tactics followed in the above mentioned countries The marketing tactics followed in Bangladesh is different from that of the other countries as the advertisements depict the number of deaths due to tobacco consumption within a given time span. India and USA follow similar tactics where the main focus is on banners and TV commercials for spreading awareness. Malaysia focuses on notices and social media marketing for spreading awareness among the people. Not-for-profit advertising campaigns for Blood donation: Indian advertisement: Figure 5: Indian Advertisement (Source: Naco.gov.in., 2018) The example used here is taken from the advertising campaign done from the government of India. In India, the blood donation campaign is one of the most popular social concern. The main concern behind this is the increasing amount of thalassemia patients and shortage of blood supply in the blood banks. This advertisement campaign was used for increasing the awareness regarding the importance of the blood donation throughout the country. In most of the cases, the advertisement regarding the blood donation campaigns use of rhymes can be found. In many cases, the Indian culture also uses the popular faces or celebrities for advertising. U.K. Advertisement campaign: In the year 2016 the department used the social media in order to fight with the falling rate of the blood donors in UK. The main objective of this campaign is to promote the user generated content on the social media in order to spread the awareness about the importance of blood donation in general people and specifically among youngsters on the social media. In the national blood week of 2016, the department started the campaign Missing Type, which is about informing the donors about the scarcity of the blood types A, O, B in the blood supply. The main idea of the campaign was to omit the above mentioned letters, from different famous and generally recognizable brand names, place names. This campaign was intended to increase the user generated content on the social media in order to inspire the target age group which was 17-24 years. Brands omitting the letters A, O, B Australian Advertisement: This is an example of word of mouth advertising campaign was held by Australia's leading influential word of mouth agency, Social Soup for Australian Red Cross Blood Service. The advertisement campaign got a huge success as it was spread over the social media. The use of social media sites is the most useful strategy used in this culture at present. The use of celebrities for the advertisements can also be seen in this culture. United States: This is the example of an advertisement campaign in U.S. This is an online advertisement for developing awareness regarding the blood donation in United states and Canada. The strategy used here is to show the numerical data points regarding the necessity of blood in the country. Comparison among the tactics followed in the above mentioned countries: After analyzing the strategies used in the four countries, no significant cultural differences found among the countries. It has been found that all the countries are using the social media as the major platform of doing the advertisement campaigns regarding the blood donation. However, among the four advertisements, Indian culture reflects strongly among the advertisements in terms of rhymes and design of the campaigns. References Campaign Brief Australia. (2018).Australian Red Cross Blood Service case study: How an influential word of mouth campaign increased blood donations via Social Soup. Retrieved 18 January 2018, from https://www.campaignbrief.com/2013/05/australian-red-cross-blood-ser.html Hammond, D., Wakefield, M., Durkin, S., Brennan, E. (2012). Tobacco packaging and mass media campaigns: research needs for Articles 11 and 12 of the WHO Framework Convention on Tobacco Control.Nicotine Tobacco Research,15(4), 817-831. Henriksen, L. (2012). Comprehensive tobacco marketing restrictions: promotion, packaging, price and place.Tobacco control,21(2), 147-153. Home - Health Watch Center. (2018).Health Watch Center. Retrieved 18 January 2018, from https://healthwatchcenter.com/ Naco.gov.in. (2018).National AIDS Control Organization | MoHFW | GoI. Retrieved 18 January 2018, from https://naco.gov.in/ The Independent. (2018).The Independent. Retrieved 18 January 2018, from https://www.independent.co.uk Wilson, L. M., Avila Tang, E., Chander, G., Hutton, H. E., Odelola, O. A., Elf, J. L., ... Apelberg, B. J. (2012). Impact of tobacco control interventions on smoking initiation, cessation, and prevalence: a systematic review.Journal of environmental and public health,2012.